Nero NB

Firestorm / Fetchstorm InSAnitY

Barbequed elf... it's that good :)

I'm sure this question has been on the mind of everyone now and again...

How does one properly prepare an elf for dinner?

Well, ordinarily one would simply rip the flesh from the quivering creature and eat it as is, but sometimes a bit of preparation is in order. :) Say, for a special occasion. A birthday, perhaps. Or the celebration of ones self becoming as one, rather than having that damned annoying voice ranting about 'truth' and 'justice' and 'triumphing over evil' or some other nonsense.

*ahem*

But I digress.

...

Now, I like fire. I like Fire a lot. Fire is good. Flames are good. Flaming kitty is very good. I want to be flaming kitty again, dangit.

*ahem*

Anywhoo!!! Fire!

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, preparing elf. >:) Mmmmmm, elf :) Now, you should always have an appetizer before the main course. Why? Well, just to show how barbaric you can be, hehehe. :P Elf ears are perfect for this cause. Just take one set per guest, and marinade them overnight in Myrrian Blood Wine. This really brings out the flavor, and adds a pleasant zing to the dish. :)

Might I add that Myrrian Blood wine itself is the purrfect accompaniment to this meal? Just thought I'd throw that in. :P And a purify blood, for those whose systems are less capable of handling the wine's delicious effects, hee hee :)

Anywhoo, take those wonderfully marinaded elf ears (preferably those of a stone elf, since the white color blends beautifully with the wine, but any that you have on claw er on hand is fine, hehehe) and you slice them into long, thin strips. Drizzle with the remaining marinade sauce and serve over a tasty bed of rice to make an appetizer that will make your guests beg for more. :) And more is what they will get, hee hee :)

Now, the main course. :) I find that the best meat is found in the shoulders, but whatever part you choose will work fine. :P Make sure that the meat is large enough that you can scewer it with a wooden stick and won't burn to a crisp on contact with flame. :P Basically, you're going to prop it over an open fire and rotate it clockwise while the flames lick at the delicous flesh... mmmm... now, before it's finished cooking, take it off the heat and give it a good coat of your favorite bbq sauce (mine happens to be Elf Blood Inferno, hee hee) and return it to the flame and continue to cook it until only the very centre of the cut is still red. Mmmmm... then just slice it into hunks and serve right away (it's a shame when the meat grows cold, hehehe). Now, what about the heart, you may ask? Well, I've never been able to get farther than ripping it from the chest of the elf and consuming it on moment of death, so I really don't know what else to do with it, hee hee :)

FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE KITTY!!!!

Now, for dessert. Elf blood ice cream, anyone? Mix a quart of fine elf blood (again, stone elf preferences *cough*hanla*cough* hehehe) with an equal part of cream, add some sugar (about a half cup, depending on how sweet you like your ice cream hehehe) and mix together in a metal container that you have sitting in a bowl of ice. Cover this mixture and stirr every hour for about 5 hours. By then you should have a very nice elf blood icecream :) Elvenberry swirl, if you wish :P Drizzle some Mirrian wine overtop in a dish to add more of that zing. :)

So there you go, a delicious meal of Elf that is easy to prepare and your guests will be more than satisfied :)

Well, unless they're elves.

Then they're just next night's dinner, anyway, hehehe.

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=^i~= --x